I’m in shock because when I took a shower I literally, without realizing it, had a conversation with myself.
This fly started flying around and I said “Fuck fuck fuck fuck” and then I said “It’s just a fly Nicole” and then once again I replied “I don’t give a shit these flies are getting on my fucking nerves” and then I killed it.
May I repeat, WITHOUT realizing it
Small chance I might be going crazy.
I figured it out
and this guy is a lot more than i thought
I guess I just don’t have much to say anymore.
I am not as miserable as I used to be and I finally can be happy on my own. It’s really great. Especially because I really want to leave this Island, but I still manage to be happy. Right now I’m pretty crazy for this guy and I just have to accept the fact that he’s leaving and accept that all of these will be memories, but I have to be happy because at least they happened. Last class I was falling asleep, but I was tired. I didn’t notice anything was wrong with me, but he did.. That’s when It hit me that something was bothering me. I don’t get how he would know something’s wrong when I didn’t even. Anyways. Once I realized it and he asked me.. that’s when I cried. I tried my best not to. In second period, I tried my best not to. After second period I saw him and his smile alone can bright up my whole day. I just can’t stop thinking about him. I dream about him all the time. I really just don’t know what’s going on with my feelings. I don’t remember having dreams of someone almost every night. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to say or do. I just want him to be mine, but that’s selfish. He can get better and he knows it. I will miss him when he leaves and I just have to let him go because if he wanted me in his life, he will try but I already know him. It’s just a time in my life. A long time sadly since the first time I saw him 8-29-12 i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him.. it’s been a long time.
So I’m playing Black Ops and this guy in my lobby had messaged me saying hi and then he started asking like a shit load of questions like first he said what state i live in , straight or bi , what color hair I have and I messaged back and said ” You sound like a creep , chill .” and then he kept asking to turn my mic on cause I said I had one and I said I wasn’t gunna use it because I’m tired as fuck and my voice gets all cracky when I’m tired. I finally turned it on though because I didn’t feel like messaging and like he was all trying to get me to fucking get off the game and go into a chat so he can show me pictures and I was just like “Nah I don’t feel like getting off and all that shit” and he kept asking and I said ” I don’t care what you look like ” and he was all like butt hurt or some shit and he’s like 21 . Freak, I swear.
This nigga hella hittin me up…
Telling me my I’m sexy and he misses me and the way I sound and shit..
asking for my number and it’s funny how he gets mad because I won’t give it to him.
One of the top hoes in my school keeps sending me candy crush requests every.single.day and guess who doesn’t send them to her ahha motherfucker.
I think you hate my friend because he’s good looking and kept my attention when you couldn’t. You were actually the jealous one. You got jealous over everything. When guys would stare at me you got jealous, when I went to hang out with my guy friend you got jealous even though you would hang out with your chick friend without telling me. Then again, you never told me anything. You were such a hypocrite. Like how you would hate when this guy hugged me in front of you and get all mad, but then you literally hugged the shit out of girls in front of me. I wasn’t even the one who hugged him and I told him to get off of me, but he wouldn’t. I felt guilty after that too. You weren’t very bright. You weren’t a fun person to be with and you tried to hide your guilt by buying me stuff. I mean, I can’t say I wasted my time with you because It’s not like I check out guys when I’m single every where I go. You taught me an important lesson. I forgot the way you laugh. I forgot the sound of your voice. I forgot the scent of your cologne. I still remember your eyes, a bit. It’s fading, but I have a decent memory of that. I remember your gayness more than anything. I saw your mother today. I’m not going to tell you to have a good life because you literally played me and so I think you should get the life you deserve. Yup. I don’t know, I guess I’m typing about you once again because of seeing your mom and the fact that you’re being an asshole and talking shit about someone whose never done anything to you, yet you get butt hurt when people bully you. Get your shit together. Also, it’s awkward and embarrassing enough walking by your little hang out in the mornings, but it would help a little bit if you wouldn’t stare. I mean I don’t really know for sure if you stare, but when I do happen to see you, you’re already looking. Please stop.
See you lookin at my girl over here
Why you worried ‘bout this girl over here?
Keep your eyes over there
It is creepy when you stare.
